The quandary of fulfilment.

It's a funny old word, fulfilment. One that truly means something entirely different to each and every one of us. My relationship with fulfilment has changed slowly, steadily, frustratingly over a period of years. To my teenage mind, it meant settling, having a lack of ambition. To my adult self, it is the long, difficult, stumbling road to the acceptance of life as it is. To recognise the difference between having purposeful hope for the future based on achievable goals and aspirational dreams which are beautiful places for the mind to wander on the hopeless, lonely days but will never exist in the here and now. One of the crucial steps along the way is almost certainly learning to be grounded in the here and now. To have an idea where we're headed, but to accept the place we're in now has everything we need to be happy. If happiness is a combination of reality and perception, then the world we create for ourselves is more crucial to our wellbeing than anything else.  Life can often feel like staring down a tunnel where the entrance draws us in unwittingly and the signposts to the exit fails to make themselves known. Of course it's frightening, but what awaits at the other end makes the fear of the unknown entirely worthwhile. As humans we're programmed to run from the unknown and uncertainty and yet surely taking the chance in the first place is the only way to remind ourselves we're alive, we have a will, we're in control of our own direction. Life never stops teaching us lessons, there is every bit as much value in times of adversity as the periods of joy. We all want happiness so dearly that we're not equipped to deal with the sadness that's an undeniable reverse of the same coin. The thing to value and learn from is that it's possible to strive for better whilst being content with the present. If we spend all our days focused on what lies ahead, we miss out on the untapped pleasure of today.  Dreams are curious things. We spend most of our lives from early childhood onwards believing that we'll only ever know happiness 'when our dreams come true'. But our hopes evolve, and all the time and energy that we instill in the pursuit of the out of reach could be so much more wisely put to use improving the life we've actually got.  We fixate on the next goal, spend all our time trying to make the next step a reality. Then, if we're lucky enough to get there, its success is no more than a fleeting moment of pride and joy, before we decide upon and target the next step in the journey we create to happiness. I've started to realise that what's important is not the reaching of a target, but rather the enormous value of its pursuit. The fulfilment comes from the chase rather than the capture, which is why each goal we have is immediately replaced by another. if we already has everything we wanted, what would be the purpose in anything? The lesson I've learnt is that there is a difference between a hope, a wish and a dream. I can reconcile the here and now I've got with the future I hope I can create. Tomorrow always looks so full of sunshine because by its very nature it's elusive and ephemeral; it never comes. All we do have is today, and if we can end all our todays with the fulfilment that comes of knowing we've faced each adversity or challenge with hopefulness and acceptance, today can be every bit as special as tomorrow.